Thursday, June 13, 2013

Top 10 Terrifying Pokemon Pokedex Entries

The Pokemon series has been going strong for over a decade and the current roster of Pokemon stands at just under 650, a number that’s only going to shoot up when the next generation of the game is released later this year. So, I thought I’d catalogue the 10 Pokemon I felt had the most terrifying in-game descriptions. I used direct quotes from the in-game Pokedex for each of these entries. The Game the entry was taken from will be noted in each example.

10. Beedrill 

beedrill-pokemon
Beedrill is one of the first Pokemon encountered in both the anime and the first generation version of the game. If you can’t tell by its name it’s based on a common bee crossed with everything wrong in the world.
According to Bulbapedia, a Beedrill is just over 3ft tall and weighs around 65 pounds. If a 3ft tall bee that weighs more than a small child isn’t scary enough, according to the Pokedex entry for Pokemon Ruby, “Beedrill is extremely territorial” and if angered, they will “attack in a furious swarm”. So all forests in the Pokemon world are filled to the brim with giant bees that can fire needles at you, and we thought Australia was bad.

9. Yamask 

Yamask-pokemon
Yamask is a ghost type Pokemon introduced in the 5th generation of games.Though ghosts aren’t rare in the Pokemon universe, Yamask is uniquely terrifying in the fact that its in-game description alludes to it once being human. The description in Pokemon Black/White 2 states “These Pokémon arose from the spirits of people interred in graves.” If that wasn’t bad enough, the description in Pokemon Black states that Yamask’s mask, “used to be its face” and that sometimes it cries when it sees it.
If a ghost that cries about how ugly it is isn’t freaky enough, you can breed Yamask. So in effect, everytime you breed one, you’re killing another person. No wonder they cry.

8. Driftloon 

drifloon-pokemon
Driftloon is another ghost type Pokemon that was introduce in generation 4. Its appearance is based on that of a balloon, a symbol of childhood innocence that Driftloon uses to straight kidnap people!
According to the Pokedex entry from Pokemon Diamond “it tugs on the hands of children to steal them away,” however, because it’s so light it’s usually not able to. Note the use of the word “usually” there because according to the Pokedex entry from the next game, HeartGold “it is whispered that any child who mistakes Drifloon for a balloon and holds on to it could wind up missing”.Could! Could wind up missing. This is in a game where you play as a 10 year old.Why the hell does your mother let you leave the house without lead boots when things like this exist?

7. Houndoom 

Houndoom-pokemon
Houndoom is a dark/fire type heavily based on a Doberman, a dog mostly known for being able to rip people’s faces off easier than it can sit down.
Now I’d just like to point out that Houndoom exists in a world where people battle Pokemon for fun and that it can learn a move called “flamethrower.” Got it? Awesome. Well, according to the entry from Pokemon Gold “if you are burned by the flames it shoots from its mouth, the pain will never go away.” Now if its flames can burn a person, it’s only natural to assume they can burn a Pokemon.
So every time you tell this Pokemon to use flamethrower, you’re condemning the opposing Pokemon to a lifetime of agony. Pokemon is pretty metal when you read into it.

6. Aron 

Aron-pokemon
Aron is a tiny steel Pokemon that despite only being a foot tall, weigh in excess of 100 pounds. Though it’s arguably one of the cuter Pokemon listed here, it’s what this Pokemon eats that makes it terrifying.
According to, well, every Pokedex entry, it eats metal and when hungry enough “hunger may drive it to eat railroad tracks and cars”. Just think about that for a second: it eats railroad tracks. People won’t take public transport when they think a guy with a beard is going to crash it into a building, how do the people of the Pokemon universe feel safe taking it when a really common animal might eat half the track!

5. Gyarados 

Gyarados-pokemon
Gyarados evolves from Magikarp, a Pokemon famous for always looking surprised at how stupid it looks. Though Magikarp is almost uselses, Gyarados is notably one of the most powerful Pokemon one can encounter. Literally.
In game it is one of the few Pokemon you can encounter at level 100 (as powerful as it’s possible for a Pokemon to be) and it can be caught with a simple fishing rod.According to the Pokedex from the very fist game “it is capable of destroying entire cities in a rage.” Entire freaking cities! It’s noted that it only does so when it is in a rage, but according to Pokemon Ruby “its brain cells undergo a structural transformation” which mean that it is always angry. Imagine a world where the Hulk was real and he lived in lakes.That’s the world Pokemon trainers live in.  Every day.

4. Wailord 

wailord-pokemon
Wailord is one of the largest Pokemon in the series and once again, you can catch it with a fishing rod. If being able to catch Monstro isn’t terrifying enough, here’s something else that’s just icky. Pokemon breeding is rather complicated, but basically, Pokemon don’t need to be exactly the same type to breed. For example, a Wailord (which is 47 ft tall) can breed with a dozen of so Pokemon that are less than a foot tall. It only makes it worse when you considered that Wailord can learn the moves “Bounce,” “Thrash,” and “Water Spout”. Well, it’s only worse if you have a really dirty mind.

3. Slowking 

Slowking-pokemon
Slowking is the evolution of Slowbro, a Pokemon so immensely stupid it doesn’t know when it sustains injury and it thinks sharing memes on Facebook will change someone’s mind.
However, when a Shellder bites its head, it gains superhuman intelligence. But how you ask? Well, anonymous voice in my head, according to Pokemon Crystal, “Every time it yawns, Shellder injects more poison into it. The poison makes it more intelligent.
Yep, in the Pokemon universe having poison injected directly into your skull and brain makes you more intelligent. That’s just science. The weird thing is though, Slowking dedicates its new found intelligence to solving the mysteries of the universe and we force them to fight. This thing could be trying to cure cancer and instead we make them slap each other in the face. They’re not the monsters, we are.

2. Alakazam 

Alakazam-pokemon
Alakazam has a reported “IQ of 5000” according to the Pokemon Crystal Pokedex. Unlike Slowking, Alakazam isn’t noted to use its massive intelligence for anything other than fighting, which is somehow, more terrifying. Alakazam “remembers everything,” including that time you let it get poisoned and has the ability to mind punch your kidneys until you urinate blood.

1. Mr. Mime 

Mr-Mime-pokemon
Mr. Mime was featured in the first game release and has been hidden ever since, though many people have been quick to point out that Mr. Mime is creepy as all hell. It’s far more terrifying if you read its Pokedex entry.

According to Pokemon Blue/Red, “if interrupted while it is miming, it will slap around the offender with its broad hands.” But you have to remember that Mr Mime, is always miming which is probably why later entries focused on the fact that Mr. Mime has actual magic powers. To quote HeartGold, “it gains the ability to create invisible objects as it matures”. So Mr Mime is an abomination of the human form that has the ability to create walls from thin air and will slap you with his man sized hands if you interrupt him. Oh, and he can be female. Think about it.

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